Very Secret Diary Of Horses of Middle Earth!
by wispykitty
Summary: The title says it all. First up: Arod and Hasufel! The merrily gay duo. (But not if you ask Arod.)


Well, I actually wrote this after seeing The Two Towers, but never got around to uploading it. So I figured I would now. ^_^ I've seen diaries written for pretty much everyone from the movies, except the horses. The horses need their time too! In this part, I am doing Arod and Hasufel, the two horses that are given to Aragorn and Legolas. This details their days spent during the second movie. Of course, they're being horses, it's quite short. But funny nonetheless. ^_^

I started doing diaries for the Nazgul horses as well, but those aren't finished yet. So many the next chapter shall be for them. We shall see. ^_^

Anyhow, enjoy! :D

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The Diary of Arod; the horse given to Aragorn.

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Day 1: stupid rider went and got killed. Just my luck. Hate my life.

Day 2: am tired of hearing all this talk of cursed Theoden. Theoden gave me sugar cubes darn it. I miss my sugar cubes. My old rider never gave me sugar cubes. I hope he in cold dreary place now.

Day 3: was much excitement earlier. Saw new people. Saw greasy man, stayed away. Saw pretty looking blonde elf. Maybe he has sugar cubes.

Day 4: just my luck. I get stuck with greasy man. Even if greasy man had sugar cubes, would not want them, as they would probably be covered in slime. Like ew.

Day 5: new riders sure ride hard. Hey grease ball, would appreciate break once in a while, eh?

Day 6: Hasufel getting on my nerves. Keeps telling me how pretty elf smell so nice. Had urge to pee on Hasufel while he slept. Was strong, did not cave.

Day 7: am going to kick Hasufel in the teeth. Seriously.

Day 8: fool man run into Fangorn forest. I say goodbye and good riddance!

Day 9: ate some grass. It was good.

Day 10: curses, greasy man come back out of forest. No want to ride anymore. No want to ride!

Day 10, part 2: shadow fax! Thinks he so pretty, nancing about with old man. At least old man don't smell funny. Why me? What did I do?

Day 11: heard rumour we going to see Theoden. Yippee sugar cubes.

Day 12: I swear, will find nearest stream and dump grease machine in it. Smell getting unbearable.

Day 13: no speak today. Smell too bad.

Day 14: made it to Theoden's. grease man gone. Am very happy. Hey, am going to be given bath. I want to smell clean again!

Day 15: no sugar cubes yet, maybe Theoden busy. Am content with carrot. At least greasy man not here.

Day 16: curses! Am forced to ride greasy man again. Again I say why me?

Day 17: why Theoden ignore me? He up prancing about on his steed. I always get ignored. At least Shadow fax is gone. Could take no more.

Day 18: ahhhh wargs!

Day 19: oh shoot grease ball fell over cliff. Is it so wrong of me to go hee hee hee?

Day 20: felt bad, rescued man out of water. I licked his face, cause he tastes salty from the water and I likes salt but he thought I was kissing him and said something in elvish I think was sexual. Like ew.

Day 21: he bleed all over me! Not even word of apology. He just bleed.

Day 22: see big army of black things. Suddenly feel happy man riding me only greasy and bleeding. At least he cleans up nice.

Day 23: finally made it! As much as I hate to say, will be happy to see Hasufel again. If only to kick him in teeth.

Day 24: saw Hasufel again, he kiss me. I say not now, faggy breath!

Day 25: stupid Hasufel think he hearing thunder. I tell him not thunder, big uglies. As usual, he no listen. Am still mad he ate my food and call me fatty mcfatterson!

Day 26: was right, army comes near. Fear the end is around the corner. Wonder if I accomplish all I had hoped in my life. Look at Hasufel and feel better.

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The Diary of Hasufel; the horse given to Legolas.

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Day 1: boo hoo, rider died. 

Day 2: Arod so cold. He offer no comfort in time of need. I tell him we understand each other, he tell me no want to talk. At least cuddle in night? No?

Day 3: ooooh, saw pretty elf! Funny looking dwarf too. Plus greasy man. But we no talk of greasy man. It make Arod so mad.

Day 4: elf is so nice, and so light! Dwarf, interesting. Would not mind if he got lost.

Day 5: Arod not quite so fit as in his prime, he get winded easy. I say hey Arod, try carrying 2!

Day 6: think Arod is planning something. Must keep on watch. He perverted old codger.

Day 7: made sure to save up all day long, and when we finally stop, me in lead, made sure to release right in front of Arod. He so mad! I laugh so hard. I say hey, at least now you no smell greasy man. Think he was going to kick me.

Day 8: aww, they run into Fangorn! I want to follow, but Arod say no. I say boo.

Day 9: ate grass. Very yum.

Day 10: yay, elf back!!

Day 10, part 2: shadow fax! We good friends. He say hi to me but ignore Arod. Hee hee.

Day 11: off to see King. Arod want sugar cubes. I tell him he too fat. He no like me no more.

Day 12: elf talk to me in Elvish as we ride today. Think he say something about wanting to find stream to wash up greasy man in. Look like Arod not the only one with that idea.

Day 13: no find stream, but elf still smell pretty. Dwarf keep hitting my flank every time I buck, wonder why?

Day 14: we made it to Theoden! Bath time yay! I want pretty ribbons in hair. Please say I get pretty ribbons please oh please oh please pretty ribbons.

Day 15: got ribbons!! Arod say they look faggy, but I know he really jealous. Don't tell Arod, but I ate his sugar cubes before he know we got them. He too fat for sugar cubes.

Day 16: ooh we leave! Elf is back. Arod is mad, but I say at least man not so greasy no more, he clean up nice enough.

Day 17: am noticing pretty lady walking beside Arod. Arod think she likes him, I have no heart to tell him she likes greasy man. Fear it would kill him.

Day 18: we get attacked, Arod tried to run away and hide! Me, was filled with pride when elf ran to kill wargs. Felt even cooler when he do cool swing to get up on me. He so awe inspiring.

Day 19: greasy man fall over cliff, Arod laughing on outside, but I know on the inside he cries.

Day 20: we continue on, Arod stay behind. He say now that man dead he is free, but I know he looks for man. Arod not so bad a guy once you know him.

Day 21: We make it! Yay! Dwarf fall off me, I laugh. Elf give me kiss and say good to work with you. He so respectful.

Day 22: miss Arod, wonder where he is? On plus side, ate his share of food. Not like he need it anyway.

Day 23: heard that Arod is back!! Plan to give him big kiss. As much as Arod threaten to kick my teeth I know he love kisses. Will go kiss him now.

Day 24: Arod was happy to see me, though he refuse to admit it. He get all cranky when he see I ate his food. I say live off your fat, oldie!

Day 25: hear thunder in distance! Am scared.

Day 26: Arod was right, not thunder, army of black uglies. I apologize for calling him names, tell him I love him since we likely to die soon.


End file.
